Note this is an over 10 year old reddit post from when one of our hosts Patrick Z. came out of his shell before hosting over 700 events, at this point he was still in the low hundreds ^_^ here is his meetup profile to join him on his new adventures.
Advice for the Next Generation of Budding Players
The past two years? Absolute madness. I decided to take control of my life, and like many of you, I jumped headfirst into what I once called the “world of pickup.” Now, I like to think of it as “charisma training.” And after two years of diving deep into this world, I’ve got some stories—and lessons—to share.
In these two years, I’ve done just about everything: a 1,000-approach challenge, multiple 30-day club challenges, and even took on students, including one who was autistic. I learned magic (even scored my first paid gig!), got into photography, did photo shoots with amateur models, helped start and run Meetup groups, sang terribly with bands on stage, and even took dance lessons. Oh, and I outsourced my online dating profiles to teams in India to set up dates for me—yes, really. After all this, my life has finally settled a bit, and I have some clarity to look back on. Here’s what I wish someone had told me before I started.
It’s All About Adding Value (And Showing It)
Here’s the deal: It all comes down to value—your value, the value in others, and understanding what people value. This one idea sums it all up. But remember, just because it’s simple doesn’t mean it’s easy. Every time you interact with someone, your main focus should be, “How can I make this a lasting memory?” The routines? They’re just tools to help you show your value. The approach? It’s just a way to say, “Hey, I’m worth your time.”
Everything else I’ll say stems from this principle. Understand the value stack—if you’re curious, Tony Robbins, the Mystery Method, and NLP are great places to start.
Embrace Failure (Or Learn to Go Crazy)
Seth Godin, a marketing genius (seriously, Google him), once said, “The way investors win is by having the most data points.” In our world, that means you need to learn to play the game so that when you lose, you can jump right back in. The more you’re willing to fail and be vulnerable, the more you’ll grow. If you don’t learn to embrace failure and brush yourself off, you’ll never be able to see things objectively.
Our goal is to spot patterns that add and show value. But if you’re too emotional, it’s hard to see those patterns, let alone survive the tests needed to learn these skills.
Outcome Dependency is a Trap
Focusing on outcomes is a surefire way to get stuck. Early on, I was obsessed with getting a certain number of numbers or “closes.” But that was a mistake because it put my success in the hands of the women I approached, not in myself. You can’t measure progress based on chance.
Once I shifted my mindset to focusing on things I could control—like how many approaches I made, how many girls I hugged, or how many events I attended—everything changed. Suddenly, failure was in my hands, not based on whether a girl was married or just not in the mood. I could take pride in my accomplishments. One famous pickup artist once said something that really stuck with me: “Do you want the girl, or do you want the skill?” I want the skill. The right girl will come along, and I don’t mind if these practice runs don’t work out. I’m in this to learn the skills first.
Stick to One Program (Seriously, Don’t Overdo It)
Here’s the thing: Trying to focus on multiple programs will paralyze you. Toward the end of my second year, I started studying magicians to figure out the best ways to approach people. The advice I got was to master one trick rather than know five poorly. The more you study, the more you’ll stress yourself out, and every program basically tells you the same thing—go out and approach.
In the end, I regret spreading myself too thin. I wish I had just focused on the book Models. Everyone has their own style, so if Models isn’t your thing, I recommend the Mystery Method, Simple Pickup’s paid services, or Neil Strauss’s The Rules of the Game. Heck, even Ross Jefferies can get you where you need to go if you just stick with it.
The best workout is the one you actually do. Don’t over-diversify until you’re an intermediate, or you’re just engaging in intellectual masturbation. Seriously, why are you still reading this? You should be out there practicing.
Your Social Circle Matters (A Lot)
The people around you can be your biggest obstacle or your biggest asset. I took on students because being accountable to others who were also growing made me train harder, approach more, and observe more. Many times, the only thing that kept me going was their encouragement. On the flip side, whenever I doubted myself, it was usually because someone who wasn’t happy with their own life was discouraging me. It’s like my success was a threat to their lack of progress.
You’re going to lose old friends, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’ve lost friends I’ve had for years over the past two years, but you know what? My life runs smoother now with less drama. The friends I have now are super valuable—they encourage me to grow, and that’s worth more than holding onto old friendships that drag you down.
So there you have it. If I could go back in time, these are the things I’d tell myself before diving into the world of charisma training. Hopefully, this advice helps you on your own journey. And remember, it’s not about the destination—it’s about the growth along the way.